I wish I could eat whatever I wanted and not gain weight.
It’s one thing to lose weight but how do you maintain that? I can go crazy at the gym for 6 weeks, shed 8 lbs but the week I don’t go to the gym, sure I may be eating the same but will all that weight and those inches come back? I’m sort of in a place I’ve never been before. I’m working out and running because I want to lose weight. But then what? Last summer fitness was more a part of my daily routine. I biked to work. It was amazing. My body responded. But now it’s a battle between what I eat and how much I work out. I want to see results, I don’t want to see the effects of sitting for 75% of my day. I want to slim down and I want to stay slimmed down much like my 18-year-old self.
I don’t have the chance to run like I used to. Weekends are basically my only opportunities. Or mornings on the treadmill.
Why am I focusing so much on my weight? Because I don’t fit my jeans like I used to. Because I feel myself jiggle when I walk over to the printer. Because I want to be able to run 10k on a Sunday morning like it ain’t no thang. And I know I can get there, but if I ever stop, even momentarily, I feel like I have to start all over again.
This is as much a ramble as anything.
What are my fitness goals? I shouldn’t be too concerned with weight and my current 140 lb self isn’t going to aim for my previous 120 lb weight. But I would be more than happy with 130 lb. And feel free to take all of that weight from my tummy.
Why do we want flat tummies? That’s where our food goes. Do we want to look like we don’t eat or do we want to be able to wear crop tops and be able to see our belly button? Just a question. Is it because magazine covers promise us we can have ‘that belly’ in ’10 minutes a day’? That’s a sure fire path to self loathing right there. I spend more than 10 minutes a day on this area and I haven’t seen a whole lot.
There’s a lot about ‘feeling good’. I want to workout so I ‘feel good’. But is that criteria that allows us to feel good created by us individually or shaped by what we see on covers, on TV, on tumblr and instagram? I know my answer.
I don’t buy magazines but they’re looking directly at them when I’m in line at the grocery check out with all the mixings for amazing nachos. Yeah, they’re looking at me. And I’m looking right back going, my job consists of me sitting for 11 hours. Not doing yoga-lates for 4 hours a day in my private gym with my personal trainer sorry!
If I feel healthy, which I’m starting to, and if I feel like I’m comfortable in my clothes, I’ll get there, then I’ll be a happy camper. In the meantime I’m not going to become hysterical for this reason or that. I’ll be thankful I’m here. I’ll be happy I’m healthy. And I’ll strive to improve myself one day at a time.