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That Little Voice

Earlier this week I spent two days with two very dear friends. The three of us have been friends since we were 8 and aren’t often all in the same town to hang out.

S & J are my besties. They both have long, black hair and both wear it down and straight. We met with another mutual friend, K. K and I were neighbours growing up and I often played with my brother and her two younger brothers. We both live in the same town at the moment but are mainly friends through S. She also has long, wavy, black hair. As I sat with my three Punjabi friends I thought, people with my hair texture pay a lot of money to wear their hair as my own. And I thought… how strange.

My hair is currently in a protective style. Last week I put mini braids throughout my hair and when I go out I’ve been pinning it up so it looks like I have very little hair. After cutting my hair short last year my love, esteem and confidence in how I look and how I present myself took a turn for the better. While I’ve always loved myself there always seems to be that small voice comparing myself to everyone around me. It doesn’t matter who I’m with, I sometimes hear this voice going ‘If only I had her eyelashes/legs/hair/skin’. It’s a waste of time. It really is. But nonetheless it’s there.

The same goes for life in general. I think we all do this. If only I had __________. It seems simple in theory: acquire the characteristic/item and achieve whatever it is you envy. But we all know that’s not how it works. It’s an exhausting and misleading train of thought.

It’s a portion of why minimalism is something I value. It’s so easy to get on that track, of accumulating and always being on point while the wheel keeps spinning. It’s hard to keep up. That’s what makes it so profitable. If we could all achieve this ‘ideal’ then it would be game over and there would be nothing to it. I don’t want to hang on to that wheel, dizzying myself.

It’s funny because I noticed that throughout our days together both S, J & K each wanted more. S wanted to work out more and stop being so lazy. She envied my running. J was sick of her thin hair (she has very fine strands). She bee-lined for AVEDA that had a sign advertising a product for thin hair. K was jealous of my booty. Haha!

Some things we’re given, others we work for. When are we happy? 

It’s going to be interesting going home. It’s a small city and a lot of the people who grew up there stayed there, are engaged or married, have children, bought (or built) houses, have careers. It’s going to be interesting for me, when interacting, not to allow myself to dig myself a hole and bury my head in it. Or to build these individuals up too much in my head and thus picking myself apart because no good will come of that. That is not how I want to spend my time while home.

How do we measure success? Is it the carrot held in front of us? Always out of reach…

We each have our own journeys, stories, ups and downs. To compare apples to cucumbers… we’ve got things to do people and so much potential to make them happen.


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